dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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