I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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