There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
