I'm lost and stupid without you.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
