hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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