Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
