Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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