party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
