I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
