So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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