It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
