I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
