At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
