This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
