i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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