I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
