You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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