ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
