Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
