Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
