I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
