I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
