it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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