I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
