the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
