Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
