Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
