so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
