Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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