I'm jealous of your bromance
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
