I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You did what with his pubic hair?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
