Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
