So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
