Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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