if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
