Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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