just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
