he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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