My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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