dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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