How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
