I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
