you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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