I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She's the barista slut.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
