We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
bring money and cleavage
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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