Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
