If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
