the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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