I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
