Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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