the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
